God Bless Me

As I walked into Walmart yesterday with Matthew in the snuggly on my front, Caleb on my hip (because how could he be made to actually use his legs), and Josh holding my available hand, an older lady stares at me.

The sweetheart, she walks right up to me and says "God bless you!" And laughs.

I can only imagine how I looked. Three kids that young must look like a lot. They sure feel like a lot.

So, I answered the adorable woman,

"That is what I tell myself everyday."

And I meant it. In multiple ways. Some days being a mom of three is a blast and SO hilarious. Other days it isn't so easy and I find myself taking a lot of breaths. I mutter prayers rather often for the Lord to bless me with patience. But there are many more times that I whisper prayers of gratitude for the multiplicity of blessings the Lord has given me.

How kind that woman was, to make me feel strong because not only am I daring enough to bring all three kids to the store by myself, but I am strong enough to have them all in the first place. And what perfect little boys they are. So yes, God has blessed me. I am so thankful for that woman for reminding me.

Carless

What I have learned from living over a month without a vehicle:
-the world has NOT lost chivalry
-the Lord is always watching out for me. For example, it will snow on Monday, be really nice on Tuesday so I can walk to preschool, rain on Wednesday, be really nice on Thursday for preschool. Little things, but huge to me. And the cost of getting the car fixed has just gotten higher, but somehow the Lord adds a little bit here and there to what we have so we can pay for it (well, we haven't seen the bill yet, but we have faith)
-it is the quickest weight loss program I have ever been on
-everyone is so kind and generous, we have borrowed so many people's vehicles. Thanks Mom and Dad, Beck and Trent, and Nicole and Burke. Oh, and Kathryn. And thanks to everyone else that has ran errands for me. Seriously, everyone has been SO nice.
-I have way more friends than I thought I did
-patience
-sometimes, it is okay to ask for help
-I really like our van and can't wait to get it back, but I am really thankful for everything I have learned. And I am so thankful for every one's help and kindness during the our car-less state. :)

I Feel Thankful...

Even though I felt grouchy all weekend, I woke up this morning feeling very grateful, so I wanted to share my list.

I'm thankful...
-that Josh hasn't thrown up this morning.
-that so far, Caleb hasn't gotten sick with this flu bug, that would break my heart.
-that I feel much better this morning.
-that by some miracle, Josh didn't get sick until about 3 o'clock on Friday, leaving only a few hours until Tyson came home for the whole weekend so I didn't have to deal with the throwing up by myself.
-that of all the weekends we got the plague, it was Conference weekend so we didn't have to go anywhere.
-that our couch cushions have covers that come off so I could wash them after being so pleasantly puked upon.
-that I'm not pregnant and therefore the throw up smell that still permiates our home doesn't make me too sick.
-that even though Josh has been the most sick, he has the most energy and is still super happy. Almost annoyingly so, but I am still thankful.
-that Tyson was so helpful and sweet and kept pretending that I was actually helping him in some way. He is such a gem of a man.
-that Heavenly Father blessed me with some insane sort of love so when I got puked all over, I didn't get mad or grossed out, I just wanted Josh to feel better.
-that I am a mom.
-that I have a body and almost all the time I am really healthy.
-that Heavenly Father listens to my prayers and loves me.

Anniversary-Plan B

Happy Anniversary to Tyson yesterday (and happy birthday Kirsten)!

We had a fun time yesterday, it wasn't what we were planning, but what ever is? We had planned to go to a bigger town about an hour away, do some shopping and eat dinner at a nice restaurant. However, we have been way too spoiled with having Kenni and Cassie be here. We never really have to worry about finding a babysitter. Well, they both are out of town so I thought, well, now that I am in young women's, it will be really easy to find one of them to watch the boys...Nope, not one. They were all out of town or busy. Everyone else we know or could think of have their own kids and we didn't want to take them away from their own families. (sorry Bunk, we do that to you all the time.)

So we had plan B. Tyson was awesome and left work much earlier than usual. We took the boys and went to a local Italian place, got some take out, came home, put the boys in bed. Which turned out to be much easier than usual because they had taken like the shortest naps ever which made me mad at the time, but turned out to be a blessing because they were so tired. So they fell asleep and we went down to the basement where Tyson had laid out a blanket on the floor and lit some candles (which is really different for us, we never light candles). So we ate our take out on the floor and talked about our past anniversaries. It was really fun.

I love how much Tyson loves me and always makes me feel special, no matter what day it is or where we are. Sometimes it is hard being a mom and having to worry about the kids even on days when I want to celebrate and be alone with Tyson. But I am so thankful I get to be a mom and I know this may sound weird, but I know Heavenly Father knew that I needed to spend some quality time with Tyson, so He had the boys sleep extra deep. I am so thankful for days that remind me of why I love life and how lucky I am. Tyson, thank you for marrying me four years ago. Thank you for making every day wonderful and for keeping your promise and making me laugh so much. Thank you for writing notes on all our windows so every time I look outside, I remember you love me. Guess what? I love you.

November is for Gratitude

Tyson and I don't have many traditions yet, but in November we have a thankful list. Each day we write 10 things we are thankful for before we go to bed. We can't repeat anything throughout the whole month, so you would think you have to get creative. But it is amazing, it is so easy to think of a million and a half things I am thankful for.

What is really nice is that it instantly takes away all my gloominess. Being a mom of two is wonderful, the best job in the world, although exhausting and patience-trying. However, the hardest part for me is the lonliness. It is getting easier the older Josh is because he can kind of understand what I am saying (probably a lot more than he lets on), but it is so easy for me to feel alone. It is probably because I am so quick to be negative and to pity myself. So Tyson just left to go back to work and I was sad, then my sunny spot on my bed that is usually there at this time of day, was not, because it is too cloudy. The boys are both asleep, for which I am glad, but the lonliness just sunk in much too deep. So, for some reason, I picked up my journal and decided to write my 10 thankful things. Suddenly, I was smiling and thinking of the good things that have happened today. Let me share with you...

1. Caleb's little hand grip on my finger

2. Alone time

3. Blogging

4. Cold days like this that make me want to cook to keep warm

5. A washer and dryer right in my home

6. Photographs

7. Moments that make up my life (inspired by a quote on Kirsten's blog)

8. Garbage people, I just take my garbage to the big dumpster outside and on Monday morning they come take the stinkiness away

9. Oldies songs that I know by heart

10. Dancing to those songs as I sing the few phrases I know. Josh, Caleb, and I danced to "You are the Woman that I always Dreamed Of," it was so cute! Josh spun in circles and it made him happy when before he was so grouchy.

So, I am thankful for gratitude. Gratitude erases the gluminess. :)

Gratitude

So reading Marissa and Kirsten's blogs and seeing their 7 days of gratitude got me thinking I needed to post my gratefullness (pretty sure I spelled that wrong, don't tell anyone my degree was English) as well. All this month, Tyson and I have written 10 things we are thankful for each night before we go to bed. At first I thought that would be kind of hard because we can't do any repeats. Well, I guess I never realized how blessed I am and all the little things that surround me that I would have such a hard time living without. Like dental floss, pillows, gloves, mail boxes, hair elastics, and the one drawer we have in our kitchen. :) I love November, I think it is one of my favorite months. True, outside looks pretty dismal but so many wonderful things happen that month. Everyone is really excited because there is a long break from work, school and the normal routine of life at the end of the month, not to mention a huge feast. Plus, Christmas is soon so that magical feeling is always in the air seeping into our homes and our hearts. It is hard not to be happy right now. And plus, last year at this time little Josh was so close to coming into our lives. In five days we get to celebrate his 1st birthday and I am so excited. True, he is exhausting and sometimes frustrating, but I love him so much, and I can't imagine my life without him. And of course I think every day is wonderful because Tyson is in it. My life is so full and wonderful because of him. Every evening when we get home from work it is like a party. We are always doing something fun and enjoying each other's company. I know that right now, even though he is at work and busy, I know in the back of him mind he is thinking about me and hoping I am doing well and always loving me. I know that because no matter what I am doing, I am loving him and thinking of him too. The Lord has been so good to bless me with so much. My life is filled with happiness. I have so many friends and people that love me, so much food in the cupboards and fridge, so much warmth in our apartment, so many happy memories, so much to be thankful for. Thank you to everyone that reads this, because I know you care about me and I'm thankful for you.

P.S.- Tyson I love you

So last night Tyson and I watched the movie "PS I Love You." I don't think I have cried that hard in years. And since Tyson promised me not to tell, Tyson didn't cry at all. :) It felt really good to know that someone loves me so much, that it breaks his heart at just the thought of me leaving. After the movie was over we just held each other for a long time. It feels so good to love someone so much. I can't wait for every morning waking up to his face, or the sound of him singing in the shower, or him kissing me goodbye as he goes off to work. And I call him right at 5 just because I can't bear to be away from him one more minute than I have to. Sometimes I think that I drive him crazy because he never really gets alone time, but I know that he loves me and he wouldn't have it any other way. This morning I have been remembering all the fun times we have had. How he asked me out for our first date while he was on the phone with his mom. How he suprised me at the airport when I got back from spring break and two days later we got engaged. How we used to play spitting games into the sink to see who had the best aim. Going through the temple for the first time with him there smiling at me, watching me and loving that I was there. Getting sealed to him and knowing we would never really be apart for very long. Deciding to have a baby and getting pregnant a month after. Watching him be a daddy, and blessing our baby. Our marshmallow gun wars and water fights. Tyson is just so much fun and I only feel whole when he is around. I cannot imagine how hallow and empty I would feel without him, but as we talked about it last night, how that is each other's greatest fear, I realized that because of the Lord, we don't really have to be scared at all. I mean, if Tyson died, sure it would be the worst thing ever, and I have no idea how Josh and I would survive, but the Lord giveth and the Lord taketh away, but the Lord never leaves us. He always loves us and He would only do what was best for us. And I know that as long as I keep my covenants, then I would see Tyson again, and we are married forever. The Lord has been so good to me, I am so blessed. I am really glad for that movie, it made me stop all my worrying about everything we don't have and be thankful for the wonderful things that I do have. And Tyson, I love you.

Grateful

As promised: the video of Joshua crawling.

You know that Brittney Spears song, "Lucky"? Well, the lyrics don't really apply, but I feel like there should be a song to express how I feel. Perhaps it is more a hymn that a song, something about the "debt of gratitude is mine." I sit here today, thinking about my little boy and his half birthday today and that got me thinking...so this is my thought process:

I cannot believe my little boy is so old. But at the same time, only six months? That is 1/44 of my life. I feel like he has been with me so much longer than that. Josh is so precious and so cute. How did I get so lucky? An incredibly handsome, wonderful, perfect husband, a great kid that makes me smile whenever I look at him, a great apartment with a dishwasher, a job with a family that is totally amazing and so nice to me, and great friends and a wonderful family and a sister who comes and visits me practically everday and got me a Ciao Bella shirt. What more could I ask for? And with all of that, I have a Father in Heaven who watches out for me everyday, listens to my every prayer even when most of the time I fall asleep or forget I'm praying, and He loves me and keeps blessing me. It is even harder than the impossible debt I have to my mom, there is no way I could ever repay the Lord for all He has done. It is so humbling and so wonderful. How can one not believe in God with so much goodness?