Mom Moments

Some people ask me "what do you do all day?" I used to ask stay at home mom's the same question. I mean, how do you keep yourself busy all day long? How hard can watching kids be? And even if you know how hard it can be, you still wonder how to keep from getting bored. I rarely feel bored now. But sometimes I reflect as I clean up the toys for the hundredth time or as I wash out Josh's underwear because he still doesn't grasp complete toilet training, or just when I sit down to relax and someone starts crying or wants something, I think "What am I doing? I feel like I am running in circles going nowhere and I am dragging my family around with me. Are my kids even progressing?"

Then there are moments where I see a glimmer of my purpose here on earth. Josh says something profound or sounds out a word he sees. Caleb shares or gives me a kiss and snuggle. And those smiles, those precious moments make up for all the difficult ones. I wanted to post these pictures because they are some of these moments to me. How can you not be happy with your life when you see these smiles?

Yes, we couldn't find him anywhere and then we found him in the closet, sleeping, sitting up. :)

They posed like this by themselves. I love Zuri's face.

So maybe the life of a mom is somewhat monotonous, but it sure is crazy and the most rewarding responsibility I ever had.

Oh How They Grow

So after a week of barely being able to breath, bend over, or sit without feeling my stomach was being squeezed in half, I gave in and pulled down the box of maternity clothes. It is so strange to me how much faster my stomach has expanded with this one than with the last pregnancy. But it is so much fun feeling this little person kicking and rolling and doing acrobatics at all times of the day or night. I just asked the little fellow to kick once if a girl and twice if a boy. Two kicks, so it must be a boy. :) We find out on Friday, any guesses?

My other little boy went to his first day of nursery today. It broke my heart, but he did pretty good. It felt so weird to be in Sunday School with Tyson and we just sat there, and we listened (well, as much as I could being that Tyson and I have super short attention spans now). I kept worrying about him the whole time, well, I worried about the nursery leaders more because Josh can be a little turkey. He looks cute, but looks are very deceiving. When I came to pick him up after relief society, he looked at me, stuck his bottom lip out and started bawling these huge crocodile tears. It was like he suddenly realized that I had been gone for two hours and left him to fend for himself with all those crazy kids. I still don't think he has forgiven me. But I bet he had a good time and the nursery leaders are amazing and so sweet, so luckily I don't have to worry about that at all. It is just so weird that he is old enough, and it will be no time at all before he is going to sunbeams and then driving off to college. :) I'm sure it doesn't happen that fast, but sometimes it feels like it. Oh, how my little ones are growing...it is true what they say, you never understand that feeling until you are a parent. I'm sorry Mom that I grew up so fast. If it makes you feel better, I often miss being a little kid and being able to come to you and have you miraculously heal all my pain.

Gotta Have Faith

So I just wanted to write something about my mom and being a mom, I know I am a few weeks late, but well, better late than never right? So I used to be baby crazy, the older I got the more I wanted a kid. I thought I knew all about kids, how to raise them, that I would be natural and all that. Well, I was dying to have a baby, especially right after Tyson and I got married. I thought I was soooo ready, I mean I worked with kids 40 hours a week, I could take care of like 4 babies at a time, being a mom really couldn't be that hard. But it really isn't. I cannot believe how much longer it takes just to do laundry and clean my apartment. Before Josh came, I could do that in maybe a few hours, now I have to split those activities into different days during the week so it is actually possible to accomplish them. I cannot believe how tired I am sometimes, how many times I wake up during the night, how much I worry about Josh. I never realized how selfless moms have to be, and how hard that is. How did my mom do it?! Seven kids?! How?! Not only that, how does she let them go? I know, Josh is only six months old, but still, I keep thinking about what my life would be like without him. When he grows up, how will I give him away to some girl? How will I know that girl will take good care of him? Then there is the horror that maybe he won't even be a good kid, that he will sell drugs and have a gang and run away and me never even see him again. But then again I am rather dramatic and I would rather not think about this. How do people raise kids when they don't know and believe in the Lord?

He is in everything, He helps with everything. I know I can trust Him and even my greatest fears don't seem so bad, because He will make everything okay if I trust Him and keep the covenants I have made with Him, and teach my children of Him. This knowledge makes me love and respect my mother all the more. I miss her a lot. But being so far from her has really helped me in a way, I have had to learn how to do these things without always being a weight to her and I have had to grow up. When Josh doesn't sleep at night, I can't call my mom to have her come over and watch Josh the next day so I can sleep. It has really made me be strong and it has helped me lean on Tyson more than I would have otherwise. I feel really bad sometimes because I am so short tempered with Tyson now. Things bug me now that never used to. I am so grouchy without any warning and it makes me sad, I miss that newlywed "I could never be mad at you" feelings. But at the same time, I am thankful that our love has to be built stronger and with more patience. It has to withstand storms (which will probably later on in my life look like mere drizzles in comparison), and it always comes out stronger and deeper. I love my family, I love little Joshua, I love how he calms down when I hold him or even when I am near, I love how he lights up when Tyson walks in the room, I love that Tyson loves Josh so much. I love being a wife and a mother. It is so different than I expected it to be, but I love it.

p.s.- the rose was from Mother's Day from church and Josh looks awesome in all the pics, but in the one with me (I look crazy, I still haven't gotten the photo of myself thing down), but if you look close, you can see one of his two teeth, so cute!)