5 Weeks (and two days)

I meant to write about Matthew when he was a month old, but he is already 5 weeks old now. :) He is so big and cute, as of Monday 12 lb. 5 oz., 23 inches. Crazy stuff. The doctor said he would be big for his age even if he was two months old. Haha.

Matthew can be kind of cranky, but mostly because of his tummy hurting I think and I have so little time to just cuddle him. I think that is the hardest part of having three kids, it hard adjusting to all the cleaning, 2 extra loads of laundry (if not more), constant feeding, changing, burping, running errands, taking Josh to preschool, not to mention other responsibilities like my calling and chocolatiering. I just feel like there is so little time to just let my kids know I love them. That is something I seriously need to work on. Just letting some chores slide, and showing my kids I love them more.

Anyways, but when Matthew is happy, he is stinking adorable. He has such a cute kissable nose, and these fabulous dark blue eyes. His little chin has a dimple and his lip quivers when he is about to cry. It is so cute. I always get scared to have a newborn around when I am pregnant and then I have him and it is just so natural to take care of the little guy. Although, I don't really feel like Matthew is a newborn, I keep expecting him to roll over or play with toys and then I have to remember how old he really is. :)

I am glad I am still calling him Matthew, Matt just isn't his name at all to me. I vowed I wouldn't call Joshua "Josh," but that is all I call him unless he is in trouble. Caleb calls him "baby Matthew guy." It is really cute. Caleb and Josh both love him. When Matthew cries, Josh will run to him and say "I'm coming little guy! What you need? You okay?" Talk about precious. I love my third little guy.

Our Third Little Guy

So this is the story of our little man's entry in the world, for anyone who is just dying to know. :) So Wednesday night, I went to mutual like usual. We had a great time, most of us leaders just sat and watched the girls memorize scriptures and we just talked. I love that about my calling, I have gotten so close to all the leaders and to the girls. It is just so fun. Anyways, everyone kept asking me when the baby was coming. It wasn't due until Sunday (today) so I didn't really think it would come until later because well, my kids always come late.

It was fun, and then I went home and Tyson was really tired, so he went to sleep a little after I came home and I picked up a few of my old journals and read them (seriously, old journals are the best literature in the world. SO funny. :) ) So I read a few of those, looked on facebook, just wasted the evening away but I just couldn't sleep. I was contracting every half hour or so, but that was normal, I had been for days. I finally went to bed around midnight, but didn't sleep well. Around 3 or 4 I noticed that my contractions were hurting so bad that I had to get out of bed to stand up through them. I thought maybe I was actually going into labor, but I figured I was just being over dramatic and it was probably false labor.

Around 5 I realized, that they were about 10 minutes apart and I really should wake up Tyson. But then I didn't want to find someone to watch the kids, go all the way to the hospital just to find out it wasn't real or I was just dialated to a three or something. So I waited.

At 6:30 Tyson's alarm goes off and I tell him that we need to go to the hospital soon. So he asks if he can go for his usual morning walk first. I said sure, he is only gone for a little while and the contractions were still about 10 minutes apart and I wasn't dying of pain or anything. So he goes and while he is gone, they suddenly start to get more intense. I couldn't get up very well, so I told Josh to get my phone and call Daddy. Thankfully he knows how to do this. So he does and this is how the conversation goes.

"Hey Daddy."

"Hey Josh, is Mama okay?"

"Oh yeah, she fine. I'm going to go on a walk with you."

"Oh you are? Should I slow down so you can meet me?"

(See, some mornings, the boys and I will go meet Tyson when he almost done for his walk. The boys and I love this for some reason. So Tyson probably was assuming my contractions had stopped or lessened or something.)

"Yeah."

"Can I talk to Mama?"

Josh hands the phone to Caleb.

"Hi Dadda."

"Hi Caleb, can I please talk to Mama."

"No."

Even in pain, I am laughing pretty hard at this point because I can barely move and the boys are completely oblivious that I am acting unusual in any way. Who knows, maybe I always seem strange to them. :) So finally, Caleb gives me the phone and I tell Tyson to get home.

By the time he got there, I was trying to pack up our stuff, but I could barely move without the contraction being way more intense. So Tyson asks if he can take a shower really quick and part of me wanted to scream at him to just get in the car and the other part of me thought I was being a big baby and sure, five minutes wouldn't kill me. You have to understand too, Tyson wasn't trying to be mean, it was just that both my other labors had been really slow, so he thought he had plenty of time.

So while he is in the shower, my water breaks. However, I am in such a weird state, I can't even convey that, I just figure Tyson would somehow know. But that is when the pain gets REALLY bad. I start freaking out. Tyson tries to call all kinds of people to watch the kids, but no one is answering. It was like a 3 minute time period, but to us it seemed like an eternity, you know? So we just pack up the kids (okay Tyson did, I hobbled out to the car crying and moaning) and decide to just take them to my mom's house and pray she is there. Luckily right then she called back and so we knew we were okay. The boys were freaking out, both crying not knowing what on earth was going on. Poor little guys.

We fly to Mom's, Tyson runs the kids to her, practically throw the car seats out of the car and keep going. Poor Mom too, I think she was really worried when she saw me. Heaven sent is that woman, it is such a blessing she is here. At that point I really felt like dying, it hurt SO bad. I don't handle pain well in the first place, I liked very much having an epidural last labor. I knew the baby was coming and I didn't think I was going to make it the hour drive to the hospital. I remember briefly thinking, "Heavenly Father, there is no way in the world I can do this on my own. Please, please, help me make it through this and get me to the hospital in time."

The drive was a very surreal experience. I clearly remember the feeling of the air conditioning on my face and how wonderful that felt. I remember opening my eyes every few minutes to see the mile markers and thinking "okay, just a few more miles, I can do this. I can do hard things." Then a contraction would start and I would scream, literally scream. I need to learn to breath during labor pains, seriously. I am amazed Tyson didn't get in a wreck, I must have freaked him out so bad. I feel really bad about that, but I was trying really hard not to freak out, I didn't know what else to do. He was so nice and had his hand on my knee the whole time. I think that was the only thing that kept me sane.

He kept trying to call my doctor's office to let them know we were coming and needed the hospital's number, but the office wasn't open until about 10 minutes before we got there. But they sent over my info and let them know we were coming, that was really awesome. We pulled up at the hospital, Tyson ran in, basically hijacked a wheelchair, came and got me and wheeled me to the elevator. I remember as I flew past the reception area how completely embarrassed I would feel if I wasn't in so much pain. But I guess they see a lot of gross and crazy things right?

We go up to the delivery section and they have a room all ready for me. They hand me a hospital gown and a cup and ask me to change and give them a urine sample. All I can think is, they have got to be crazy. So I start to go into the bathroom and I feel a huge urge to push. Even though this is my third kid, I have never felt that urge before because I had a c-section with the first and was totally numb the second time. I had been screaming bad before, well, let me just tell you, I feel bad for everyone else in that hospital because you probably would have thought I was slowly being murdered. I just kept yelling "He's coming! Get it OUT! I want it OUT!" Yeah, I am pretty mortified at my complete psychoticness during this whole episode.

So nurses start coming out of the wood work, not even kidding, I have no idea where they came from. They started setting up all kinds of things and made me lay on the bed. One nurse said "check to see how far along she is." And another nurse was like, "I don't need to, there's the head." Suddenly my doctor appeared and I think, "wow, if that isn't a miracle and a half that he is here, I don't know what is." He is the doctor that delivered Caleb and he really is a miracle man and my favorite doctor in the whole world.

The doc numbed me in a few places in a matter of seconds, then I felt a little cut and then they said push. They didn't need to tell me, I was pushing, I couldn't help it. I was still screaming, I didn't think he would ever get out. Tyson told me to look, but I was mad, so he lifted my head up so I could see the little man was pretty much out of me. So that gave me enough energy for another big push and he was out. Seven minutes after pulling up at the hospital, our little guy was born.

I was mad and still hurting, "that kid made me go through all of that and I still hurt, I don't want it." That is what I was thinking when they asked if I wanted to hold him. They laid out a blanket on my chest, and I didn't respond. But then they laid the little guy down and he instantly stopped crying. All my anger started melting away and I was so glad he was okay and here and out of me. :)

Tyson cut the cord, something he thinks is so gross and honestly I don't blame him, but he is a good guy. They weighed our nameless child, 8 lbs 12 oz., 20 inches long. Almost a pound bigger than Caleb when he was born. Wow. He was great, super healthy, everything was awesome. Until, the drama started again and I kept bleeding really bad and my blood pressure started dropping fast. Then the nurses came running in again and freaked both Tyson and I out because we had no idea what was going on. I just knew they were pushing on my stomach and it hurt a lot. Plus they hooked me up to an IV and gave me a huge bag of potocin in an hour. About the cruelest form of torture known to me. Hehe. But it worked and the bleeding lessened quite a bit. One nurse got mad at me though (I think she was kidding, but I'm not sure), she told me enough drama and she didn't want to have to come back in here. I responded "yes ma'am" and of course started crying. But I don't really blame her, I was a lot of drama and they had 12 other moms there to worry about, and two on the way in right then too.

But anyways, so after that, everything went perfect. The little guy is awesome at eating, his hearing, eyes and all that jazz are great. He is super alert because I'm not on any pain meds, which I was on with both the other boys. I don't know what to do with him he is awake so much. He isn't like the normal newborn that falls asleep everywhere, nope, his eyes are wide open and he scared out of his mind. :)

Mom, Carmel, Cassie and the boys came to visit us in the hospital just a few hours later, which was really nice. Caleb did not like the little man, he was pretty mad actually. Josh thought he was okay, he was pretty excited to have another brother, but he was scared of me since I was still hooked up to an IV and stuff. But since we have gotten home, they both like the little guy a lot. Caleb still refuses to touch him, but he will look at him now and he isn't mad when I hold him, so we are progressing. :)

Tyson and I debated the whole time we were at the hospital what to name him. I pictured him with red hair and green eyes, so I thought William was perfect. But when I saw him, he just wasn't a William. His hair is dark brown and a little bit curly from what I can tell. His eyes are a dark blue. He has a little butt chin, and a big gummy smile, and wrinkly ears that are just adorable.

Right after they put me on potocin and that whole scare, Tyson gave me a blessing and in it the Lord told us that this little baby was "a gift." Not only his birth, that it wasn't a c-section, and we actually made it to the hospital and everything was okay, but that he was an actual gift from the Lord. So that is why we picked the name Matthew, which means "a gift from God." He is a sweet little gift and I am so thankful we have him. I am completely in love with him. I forget how much I love my own little newborn. How they are so fun to kiss and smell and rub noses with. I love the way they search your face, taking in all the features they have been dying to see all those nine months, just like you are memorizing their features. I love the way they snuggle into their Daddy's arms and fall asleep instantly and how Tyson talks to them so gently. It makes me so happy how much Tyson loves the little guys too.

So anyways, this is a giant of a story and Tyson is going to freak when he finds out this is how I spent all the time he was at church with Josh and Caleb and that I didn't sleep at all. Oops. :) But it is good, it needed to be written before I forgot it all.

I am so happy to have little Matthew Hyrum with us. What a treasure he is. I better go get him now that he is up and crying. :)

Cassie, Josh and Matthew

Right after the delivery. Hehe.

Big Mama being a Big Baby

It is a funny thing being pregnant, it kind of consumes me and everything I do. For most of the pregnancy I have tried to avoid really thinking about it, that way kind of hoping it would go by faster. But then he started moving, and moving a ton. It would freak me out because why is my stomach wigging out? Oh yeah, because there is a parasite growing in there. :)

Then I started running into things and tripping over things because I can't see. The worst was running into the side mirror of the van right in front of the post office, I went flying backwards being bounced from my belly like it was rubber or something. This lady was like "Oh wow, are you okay?" I think I said "Oh yeah, happens all the time." Caleb and Josh just stared at me on the sidewalk. I wonder if they have hit the point where they think I am weird sometimes, I hope not. I hope that doesn't come for a long time. I like being the most amazing person in the world to them.

So yeah, and then today, Josh couldn't fit between me and the wall when I was sitting at the table. He asked me to scoot in, sad news, I really couldn't. It is hard explaining to your kid you no longer can hold him, or set him on your lap, or do a whole lot of things because you are just "too big" in the belly area. Poor little boys of mine.

But they are both really excited for their new brother. Josh asks if the baby is kicking and wants to feel it, which is really cute. They both are so anxious for the baby to come. Josh asked me if my belly button is the button to push to get the baby out. I wish it was that easy. Part of me is really scared to have another kid, I mean, how will I function with even less sleep? How will I handle Josh's endless questions that are sure to come about breastfeeding and where the baby came out and all kinds of other lovely things that he is sure to ask that I never dreamed of.

The other part of me can't wait for the little guy to get out of me. It has been a much more taxing pregnancy than with my other two, part of that is age I am sure. I am not as young as I was and this isn't my first. All kinds of things are stretched and weak that weren't before. Plus, I am not in any kind of good shape, my muscles are weak and that doesn't help. I find myself feeling like there are constant knots in my back and that my hip bones are slowly being rubbed down by the bowling ball that is resting on them. My legs "pop" out of place all the time, at least that is what it feels like. I assume that is just all the loose everything to get ready for the birth, but it isn't pleasant whatever it is.

And yet, I am so lucky. Last night I had a major meltdown, it was bound to happen sooner or later, I am just a meltdown kind of girl. I think most girls are. I cried because I hurt, because I always hurt, it hurts to walk/waddle, even getting dressed is painful. I am so sick of having to pee or peeing whether I want to or not every five minutes or every time I cough or sneeze. It is so annoying. And I hate that I get mad so easy. Usually I tend to get sad, weepy or depressed, not mad. It is a new one for me. I have to constantly tell myself to breath, that no, that person didn't mean to offend me, the doors, drawers, stools, walls, children are not purposely get in my way. I am pretty sure the computer isn't any slower or faster than usual, but jeepers it drives me crazy waiting for what seems like forever. It is worse because Kenni is not here. She was here with both of my other babies when I was this far along. Now she is not here to distract me and make it seem fun. But yeah, so I am crying and cranky and hating that I am crying and cranky. Tyson of course is perfect and just holds me.

That is when I figure I just need to be thankful. I am not on bed rest, the baby is super healthy, I can do pretty much everything I need to, somethings are just a little harder, but not too bad. 5 weeks really is not that far away, as eternal as it seems right now, it really isn't. I have my chocolatiering and my writing and my calling with the young women to keep me busy, not to mention all the blissfully endless housework and my adorable two rascals. Plus we have great air conditioning, so even though it is super hot outside, I rarely notice. How is that for a summer pregnancy? I am so lucky.

So for some reason I really wanted to write about all this. Probably because that is most of what I think about lately, getting huge with child really has been the foremost on my mind lately. And what is a blog but an online journal? So here is to the next five weeks being great ones and me being happy and enjoying it!

Our next baby is...

So I had an ultrasound this morning and we are having....

another BOY!

Crazy huh? I am really excited! At first I was completely in shock, I really didn't believe the lady. I thought she must have it wrong, but the baby was pretty open about letting us know. :) So as Tyson said, we will have 6 years of a missionary being out in serving. That is a lot of blessings. 3 little boys to keep me crazy and young. I'm pretty sure every window will get broken, there will be lots of rough housing, all the animals within a mile radius will be tortured and if they get a little sister, she will be either totally adored and protected or harrassed and teased to no end...probably a lot of both. :) I am really excited to have another one and so is Tyson. I think Josh is the most excited though. He keeps telling me he wants his baby brother to come out and walk around with him. Hehe. Now what on earth are we going to name him?!

My Baby Butterfly

So, I will be 16 weeks along tomorrow. It is weird how quickly the time is passing. Josh keeps asking to see the baby and telling everyone he has a baby in his belly. Don't believe him, he doesn't. :) Caleb, as with pretty much everything, seems totally oblivious and care free of any change coming soon. He does not like it when I cry (I fully blame the hormones, however it is normal for me). He will try to pull the tears off my face, literally pull them off like string. He gets very upset that they don't come off so easy. :) Also, I felt the baby moving for sure for the first time this week. Now "she" moves all the time. I love the little movements, it makes me so happy. At mutual on Wednesday, everyone was swimming and she was kicking up a storm. It was like she wanted to get out and swim too so I think she will be a little swimmer. I have also decided to call her "fluttergibbet" since she feels like a little butterfly right now. This is my favorite part of pregnancy, for the most part no longer sick, still not huge and finally feel the baby moving around. Tyson is so sweet and lets me jabber on about every kick and all the things I think about. He is the best husband a girl could ever dream of. The Lord has given me so much, I am so thankful.