Happy Birthday Bunky!

Cheers to my little sister Kenni, you are now 20. I am so excited for you, everyone dreams of marriage and that fabulous "happy ending," but let me tell you, all the fun is only beginning. I wanted to thank you for being such an incredible sister for these reasons:

1. More than half my wardrobe is your hand-me "downs" (or ups, it should be in our case).

2. You are seriously the most gorgeous woman in the planet.

3. You give me manicures and pedicures and pay for my hair cuts (ok, well, pretty sure Mom does, so thanks Mom), but you take me to get my hair cuts. :)

4. Whenever I am scared because Tyson is not home, you will either come over or talk to me until I'm not scared anymore.

5. You share everything with me.

6. We can talk about anything, anytime, no matter how long we haven't seen each other, or haven't talked.

7. We have a million inside jokes.

8. You are going to be so cute pregnant.

9. Life would be so dull without you.

10. Because you have always been my best friend.

I love you Splunket! Thanks for letting me call you something different everytime I talk to you, and thanks for being such an awesome sister!

Budgeting

"Budgeting does not make one spend less, it only makes you feel guilty when you do."

So I love food, flowers, pizza, movies, new clothes, basically anything that costs money. I guess most people do. Now, I know we are really lucky and really we have so much to be thankful for. Our cupboards really aren't bare and if they were, we could afford to buy food, it just isn't in the budget. Both Tyson and I have been trying so hard to keep to the budget we have set, trying to save money because we really want to get a house, but we don't want to have thousands hanging over our head in debt. Thus, the budget. So we don't (well, we shouldn't) eat out, buy clothes if we don't absolutly have to, buy food unless it is something that is needed, drive unless we have to, stuff like that. Poor Tyson has to walk to work (that isn't so bad, but it is that he doesn't have great shoes, so his feet and back kill all the time unless he wears his tennis shoes with his work clothes, so humiliating for the poor darling). We are on tooth paste "rationing" as Tyson calls it, and I swear everything in this world is getting more expensive by the second. Chicken costs $10 for like 5 chicken breasts. What is that? And $3.50 a gallon and soaring for gas? How are we supposed to live?! I have to drive 15 min to my job and back, soon it won't even be worth what I am getting paid. Not to mention, I don't just need food, I am also a food source. I don't know if I can handle being rationed any lower. Hehe, no really, I just like to vent, we really are very blessed. But sometimes I wonder how we are going to keep paying for all the things we need when they just keep getting more expensive and we are getting paid the same amount we were before.

Yesterday

Yesterday, Saturday, was an amazing day in my life. Tyson and I slept in until 8 (sad, that is late for us), and played with Josh. I love Saturdays because they are the only day that I get to spend all day with Tyson. Josh is so happy in the mornings and he loves it when his daddy is there when he wakes up and can stay and play. It is like the movies with the Mom and Dad in bed and the little kids coming in and they rough house and laugh (only, Josh can't come running, we go get him). Then we went into town and out to lunch, then walked to the bank. Then we went to this cool bookstore, I absolutely love bookstores, I could live in them or a library and be completely happy. We got "The Hobbit" and a few 'Little Critter' books for Josh. Then we drove to another town about 15 min. away and took pictures of all the pretty trees ( I LOVE Virginia in the Spring, there really is no other place like this is the world! ), and went to Walmart to get plants. Then we went to Kenni and Chris's and got some wood for planter boxes and talked to them for a little while. When we finally went home again, the clouds were piling up in the sky and little drops of rain were falling, but my he-man built a planter box. (I love watching Tyson work his magic, it is fascinating all the little things he knows or just figures out how to do, especially when it involves muscles. Perhaps I am awful, but I still find it so incredibly attractive :) ) Then we planted all our beautiful new flowers. I thought I knew everything about my darling husband, but often I find there is so much to him that I never realized before. Like yesterday, he loves planting, and he is really good at it. I on the other hand, have a black thumb, I am lucky if I can get flowers to survive a week, and animals, that is just one sad story after another, and so having a child was the greatest leap of faith I have ever taken. :) But seriously, I'm not kidding. Well, so then after the plants were all in their new soil, Tyson worked on his 40 page research paper (also something he loves doing, crazy) and I tried not to bug him. Then Kenni and Chris came over, made brownies and we talked for awhile. (I love that girl, by the by) And then Tyson and I read "The Hobbit" until we couldn't keep our eyes open.

-side note, yes, Josh really was with us this whole time, he just slept for most of it (suprisingly).-

Perhaps some may say that all that stuff is just normal, or really busy, but I hadn't had so much fun in a long time. I love being with my family, and I love being with Tyson. It was so wonderful, the weather was perfect and I was just so happy. I was with the people I love, doing things I enjoy, making our world a little prettier. I can't really explain to people just how hard a marriage becomes when a kid enters the scene. People used to try to tell me, but I always thought I would be the exception. Well, I'm not. Josh is adorable and a great kid, but Tyson and I are really different with him and because of him, in both good and bad ways. We both get a lot less sleep, he costs a lot of money, Tyson has to work a lot harder, and so do I, but not for money anymore, so that also equals less income. We are never really alone, and rarely do I ever think about anything but Josh when we are away from him. But we also love the little guy, he has taught us so much about patience and charity and families, God and Eternity. I know there will be tons of hard times in the future, and only more kids and less time together as just me and my hunny. But, I will always look back to this day and smile, it was just perfect. And I am so thankful for Heavenly Father and that His ways are so much greater than my own. I would never had had this joy if not for Him.

Book Idea...

So to all my high school buddies. I have kind of been tossing around the idea of writing about my experiences in high school. I don't really want to ever try to publish it (ya know, if I actually ever make it to that satge in my writing career), but I just wanted to write it for fun and give you all copies if you want. So if you have any stories that you remember and you want to write them down and email or send them to me, that would be really cool. I only have my memories and journals, and although first person is cool, a more into everyone's minds story would be way better. Just anything about the times you love most or didn't love, anything, and it really doesn't have to have me in the memory at all. It would be neat to see what you all thought and felt. If not, that is fine, and it doesn't have to be right away. I was just thinking it would be a cool idea...

Growing Up

When I was a kid, I couldn't wait until the next step in my life. I wanted to date, and then when I could, I wanted a boyfriend, then when I got that, I wanted to get married. Same thing with school, I wanted the next school, not the one I was in. Now I am kind of in that post-graduate phase. I am taking writing classes. I am married, I have a kid. And all the sudden, I don't really want to grow up anymore. Sure it would be nice to be in a bigger home, and it will be fun to have more kids someday if the Lord trusts me with them after this one. :) But seriously, going gray (when sadly is happening already), seeing my husband less and less and having more and more to do, I am excited for it all, but kind of sad. It is like I am at the peak of where I always wanted to be and all the rest, I haven't really planned out and I'm not sure how to take it. It is like all the movies, I am in the "happily ever after" part, but nobody ever talks about that or what to do then.

But the hardest and best thing of all is watching little Josh grow up. I know, he is only 4 1/2 months old, but it alread has gone by so fast. It is fascinating to watch a child grow, it is like looking at a plant everyday and you see it slowly come out of the ground and get little leaves and you can see it grow. I have so much pride when Josh does anything new. But, with ever new phase something adorable is kind of lost, and that is just part of growing up.

When he was born he was adorable, really skinny, red and wrinkly. He was like a little squirrel that could curl up on my chest and sleep. He would smile at random moments and I got to watch him learn how to see and focus on objects, and then move his limbs.

He learned to smile when he was happy. He got chubbier, and he didn't look so much like an old wrinkly man. When he ate he would always stick his toe in my belly button. He was snuggly but liked to look around him and loved everyone.

Now he is so chubby and smiles and giggles. He doesn't ever hold still. He is so precious, as always. He is so long I have a hard time feeding him. He is starting to get teeth. He eats little baby cereal sometimes, and he just started rolling over. He is growing up so fast.

I just know that he will say and think things like "I can't wait till I'm old enough to eat what Mom's eating" or "I can't wait until I can walk around" or "Someday I will be as tall as my Dad someday" or "Someday I am going to go to school." These are all wonderful things and I will love watching him. But there is a certain sadness in the growing.

I'm glad Elder Ballard told mothers to "live in the moments." Because once that moment is gone, I can never get it back. But luckily, if I live in that moment, I can always remember it.

Follow Up from 'Waiting'

We didn't get the manager position for our apartment complex. That is okay, I had a hard time with it at first but I know somehow the Lord will find a way for us to get by. I just need to start publishing books or something. :) The Lord usually works in ways that I do not understand, but it is always turns out way better than I hoped for.

Conference

I loved Conference. It amazes me that I used to dread it. I would fall asleep whenever I watched it and make faces at all the old men on the TV screen. I even gave up the opportunity to go to Pres. Hinckley's birthday party once, how foolish I was. This year I didn't want it to end. Tyson and I watched The Testaments afterwards because it just felt so good to feel the Spirit so strongly, I didn't want it to go away. I enjoyed all the talks, and even with my first time having a baby to take care of I didn't have to miss a single talk. I feel so blessed to have been born into the LDS faith, I never had to search churches to find the truth, I just had to have faith in what I had always been taught. Faith, that is something that used to come so easily for me. Lately it seems as though I fear everything. I am so worried that something will happen to my little baby, or every kiss and hug with Tyson will be the last. I know this life is so frail and we have no guarentees of how long we will live. But my fear was eating me alive. I couldn't sleep, and I was constantly have emotional breakdowns, and I was being so selfish of Tyson's time. So I have been reading the Conference talks from last August, and Elder Hales talked about the need to receive personal revelation, that we need to pray and have faith. I realized then that my faith was slipping away from me because I did not trust in God enough. "If ye have faith, ye shall not fear" (? I'm pretty sure that is a scripture) and "Fear none of these things which thou shalt suffer..." (Rev 2:10). It was amazing to me when I prayed, how much peace I felt. I do not know what will happen in this life, but I must trust in the Lord. It was such a wonderful feeling, listening to Conference and feeling that incredible feeling of peace that no one else can give but the Lord, and it is all because He loves us.